Though I Sleep My Heart is Awake

     I started this painting live while participationg at the FUSE event in Fremont.  I could not get past the blackness I started.  All I had to show for the time was just the moon and stars - the rest just black.  I attempted several ideas and ended up painting black over the top of them...then I let the canvas sit, in the dark, for 3 weeks.  I finally had an idea and vision for the finish and added the tree and heart.  A beautiful pinky/bluish hue glowing in the moonlight.  The Biblical verse and song chorus was in my head:" though I sleep, my heart is awake".  Even though the trees are bare, they bend and curl to protect the heart.  Even in  a barren season of my life, my heart is  ALIVE, AWAKE and ever listening to the Father.  It may be a dark time, but there is a small light of hope - always darkest just before the dawn.  Dreams may lie dormant, but the season will change... light will shine forth.

Arise

     When asked what the title of this painting was, I had to think.  Umm, its a Phoenix rising out of the ashes; the cliche' everyone knows.  But this is different I say, not only is the fire representative of the destruction, but also representative of the Light of the World, Jesus.  It's the fire of the Holy Spirit, the fire of cleansing and purging - the fire that burns us, and yet leads us out.  It's more than just the cliche'.  What does one call that?

     The image in my mind came to me as a result of the atmosphere around me, at home, at work, in church, and in the lives of my friends.  There was a definite tension in the air, a sort of depression and heartache.  The yearning and groaning of the soul I would say.  My home life seemed to be falling apart and the relationships around me seemed unstable and strained.  At work, my colleagues were going through various health and emotional situations causing tension and sadness in the air.  I was straining and grasping at church for some connection, and my friends had seams that were tearing at the edges as well - which finally brought me to the alter for prayer and a word from God.  He told me that I was going to rise again, like a Phoenix - there it is.   But more than that...I believe that my painting goes beyond just me, but to ALL those who need that assurance and hope.  We, with all our various emotional colors, add to the color of the feathers.  We SHALL rise and be renewed - lead by the Light of the World and the power of the Holy Spirit.  The burning and the purging shall come to an end - this too shall pass ( as the cliche' as that sounds).  We rise again, born anew, strengthened by the struggle - the beautiful struggle.

The Beacon

     This is a conceptual piece based on a "beacon", or that which leads us to safety...a signal to guide, a source of light or an inspiration.  Think of the burning bush that caused Moses to turn and look in fascination and curiosity.  Think of a lighthouse with it's blinding light to guide ships at sea.  Think of that person, who being lost in the deep dark woods, can see the bonfire lit in the distance for them to find their way back.  This painting is about finding your way...seeing the light, feeling the light, becoming one with the light, and carrying the light in you.  The Light of the World, Jesus, is leading you home.  There is no place too far away, or too dark where the light will not be visible...take heart.

The Powerful Revelation

   
  "But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the Lord and with justice and might..." Micah 3:8

This is a new rendition of a previous idea regarding power, strength and prophetic revelation. In this rendition I added the water. It has been very hard to articulate this painting...it means so much at the same time: I shall attempt to convey concepts and let the painting speak to you.

Like God's Word, a horse is swift and powerful - able to do battle...carrying messengers and the message.  It is clothed with blue as the heavenlies and with revelation of the prophetic.  The prophetic word has unlimited potential, growth and opportunities.  Going through the waters cleanses, as a baptism...it brings a life flow and a refreshing.  The fire conveys an emotion of God...His burning power...His fiery presence - the heat of Love and of His Word.  Fire cleanses and purifies, like a baptism.  The prophetic Word for me and you breaks through - crosses over.  We carry the Word and prophecy as we are filled with the Holy Spirit and with power and might...we are cleansed by fire and by water.  See.  Dream.  Believe.  Encounter. Judge justly.

No One Can Contain the Flight of the Soul

     I was listening to a song with the phrase "No one can contain the flight of the soul...", and "They don't see that real freedom lives within, so carry me away Lord"  This has so inspired me because it is true that I sometimes feel as if I am in a cage...a cage of my own body, a cage of expectations, a cage of demands and responsibilities, a cage of my own wants and desires or a cage that others put me in.  Like a caged bird who longs to fly.  What I have missed is that I CAN soar on the wings of my soul...I can escape to other realms in praise, prayer and the melody of a song.  Misty Edwards expressed this during the song I referred to above.  She also sang, "put your hook in my heart and let my soul take flight as I sit in this cage...carry me away Lord"  I CAN fly, and no one and nothing can contain the flight of my soul.  I can be free...and freedom from the restraints of a cage is really resonating with me right now...God carry me away --
This painting was done in the strength of this inspiration and the wing colors, although I didn't know why at the time of it, refers to the wings of a phoenix I believe. Restoration from the ashes. There could be multiple other meanings for you...let me know of some you can think of.

Until the Day Dawns

     I began this painting knowing that I would be painting darkness...I thought I was painting dusk, but I progressed the painting became dawn. The scripture.."more than watchmen wait for the dawn" rolled around in my spirit...but no, that was NOT it. Then the Misty Edwards song with the phrase (scripture) ..."until the shadows flee away, I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh..." And I wondered, what does that mean? I have always wanted to join a study on the Song of Solomon, but haven't yet. So what do I think this means to me and my spirit?


Song of Solomon 4:5-7 (CEV)
Your breasts are perfect;
they are twin deer
feeding among lilies.
⁶ I will hasten to those hills
sprinkled with sweet perfume
and stay there till sunrise.
⁷ My darling, you are lovely
in every way.


(NAS) version
“Your two breasts are like two fawns,
Twins of a gazelle
Which feed among the lilies.
⁶ “Until ^[a]the cool of the day
When the shadows flee away,
I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh
And to the hill of frankincense.

Solomon is speaking about resting (among other things) upon her (the beloved) breasts all night, where there is sweet perfume. Isn't this just lovely, intimate and provocative?
How does this relate to Christ and the Church, and to my own personal relationship with Him? I am my beloved's and He is mine. I have been lacking in intimacy with Him...my soul longs for Him more than watchmen wait for the morning indeed...my flesh - ah yes, my flesh causes a battle. I battle weakness, irritability,exhaustion and laziness and oppositional thoughts all day.   Here is my dawn...a remembrance of God's longing for me.

Preserve me oh God

 "Preserve me oh God, let not shame stand in my way. I have no good apart from you.
But I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy.
Won't you open up my soul?
Preserve me oh God, write Your word upon my heart. I have no good apart from you.
Your streams of mercy, You're never ceasing.
Your streams of mercy, they have no end.
But I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcJaKj45QGA


This song is playing in my head and my heart today.  Two days ago my family and I took a trip to Muir Woods and walked among the giant Redwoods and was reminded of the awesome beauty and freshness of God's work. I took this photo and felt a "God moment" in time. I want to say that...God, You are good, You are amazing and You are awesome and I love you so much!  The things I obsess over and run after...once obtained don't satisfy, they are cisterns that leak...I am a cistern that leaks.  Keep filling me oh God with your stream of mercy. Amen

The Entry

     This was painted at the "Declaring His Worth" conference at Convergence House of Prayer.  I was very privileged to be invited to paint during worship, especially since it was lead by Laura Hacket of IHOP (international house of prayer).  During pre-worship rehearsal and prayer, I wondered what the emerald rainbow that surrounds the throne of God looked like from above...also, what a portal to His throne might look like.  I got an image in my mind and attempted to get it on canvas...what came out was not what I had intended or what I had seen, but something looking similar to a flower (NOT my intention)...some kind of psychedelic burst of color.  Later as I tried to work out in my heart what I had done...the revelation came.  Like a flower bloom, the petals envelope us and close in on us, thus sending us through the center and into another realm...kind of like a venus fly trap, only not deadly. I don't know, just seems so unfathomable, and not really what I wanted or can understand. Am I over thinking this?  Is there an answer or revelation that makes sense?  Is it just some kind of strange flower???  I had hoped for so much more...yet maybe it is??

The Boundries Have Fallen For Me In Peaceful Places

I was reading my latest magazine edition of "Discover Britain" and saw a photograph of a most lovely and peaceful home and garden. I set about to capture my version of this place...how I would envision it with color and wilderness.  A place hidden and private, sunlit and colorful - a place to be free and at peace.  I can hear the birds sing and the water's flow, the sun is warm and the home is decorated in rich texture and color...heavenly music permeates the atmosphere and creativity is unbridled. This is a place of total physical, spiritual and soul rest.  The heart longs for this place, and here it is...I step in.
Isa. 32:18 "My people shall live in peaceful habitations...and undisturbed places of rest"

A Doe Set Free

I originally had this image come to mind while I was reading the Bible, the passage where Jacob is speaking a blessing over his sons before he dies. When he is speaking to Naphtali, he says "You are like a doe set free"...Gen 49:21 I just had to sit back and sigh (kind of like a selah). What a beautiful feeling, to be set free! I saw this image of a doe springing forth from the darkness that had her confused and lost and into the light of God's face. What a prophetic picture of myself at this time. A form of darkness and confusion had clouded my vision and had me living powerless and in anxiety. I HAD to paint this image, if only for myself...to say, I am Free!! Remember! Like King Solomon the lover, "leaping and bounding over the hills..." Song of Songs 2:8 Like "calves released from a stall" Mal 4:2 or, "...then will the lame leap like a deer" Isa 35:6 "As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after You" psalm 42:1 This is me...this is you. May this image bring you freedom.

The Glassy Sea

On the shores of the secret place I go to crashes the water of the Glassy Sea. This is the secret place I go to when I want to visit Heaven - a place where the brown sparkling sand is warm and molds to the body laying on it (kind of like memory foam), where the sun shines golden and bright and the breeze blows gentle and lazily over me as I rest...just rest, deeply rest. I haven't been to my secret place in a long time. It is hard to quiet the mind and the pace of my thinking, thinking, thinking... But the Glassy Sea rolls on like tinkling wind chimes of delicate glass, just outside my hearing perception - beckoning to my Spirit to come, come and visit...rest and feel Father God in His Heavenly abode...come to the secret place. This painting is my reminder...remember, remember, remember my secret place with the Lord.

One Saturday Morning

Today I have been pondering this phrase by Pastor Clark Ortiz; "If you want life you must go where the living reside " This phrase has been hitting me in a deep deep place for the last month or so. He goes on to say, "Sometimes we get stuck in the rut of drama and not in a path of life..." Has this been happening to you? I feel like I have been stuck in the drama of my circumstances and the recesses of self-pity. I want life! I want to go where the living are...well, LIVING! I choose to step out, or even stumble out of that rut...don't you?

(My photo of these gorgeous tiny bell flowers remind me that there is life and beauty in small spaces and unexpected places. I enjoyed creating this image today...it brought me life.)

www.clarkortiz.com

The Agony of Loneliness and the Bliss of Fellowship

Sometimes I find myself alone, feeling like nothing will ever change, like there is no one to talk to. I feel isolated and depressed - and for whatever reason just plain weepy and sad. Sometimes I feel like I have no friends...like they have all gone ahead of me and I have been left behind to scramble and fight my way all alone. Sometimes there are storms raging in my heart and mind and I wonder if God even knows where I am. A sort of restlessness overwhelms me and I want to scream, shout and fall into a heaving mess of sobs. "God!, who am I?!", "I don't want to go on in this place of isolation and loneliness!" I would say if I could even speak through the groans in my spirit. Then He comes, like a ribbon of hope and light into my darkness - if somehow I could just enter into that bliss. To be covered in the golden dust of the Holy Spirit's fellowship - I reach.....I reach.....closer, closer...